I'm really into asian looking animals
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
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