My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
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A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
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Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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