he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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