this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize