So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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