Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
