He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
