So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
