my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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