Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
