well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
