I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
