I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
