I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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