can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize