I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
