Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
