he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
