Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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