hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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