Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
