hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
