I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
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I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Mom said you looked used
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
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Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize