Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
