when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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