covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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