Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
