The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
