It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Randomize
