And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
