Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
