she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
