I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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