Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
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Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
is it fun? or sober?
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