i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
