Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
We smell like vodka and hangover
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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