Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Operation Purity has been aborted
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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