she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
