I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
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I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
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Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
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