do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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