somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
