I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize