Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
