If i come over, it means nothing
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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