Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize