Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
as a side note pls kill me
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
