dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
