Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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