so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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