I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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