i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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