youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
