I will die if light touches me.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
