I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
