doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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