Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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