I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
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This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
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Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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