I want to make a zoo with you.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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