so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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