Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Randomize