I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
