She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
