Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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