i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
