chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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