I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Alive.
So much puke
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
