but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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