i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
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