Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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