Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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