My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
