sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
