My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
