Your dad touched me again.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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