I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
