I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
