I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
