In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
